The Evil Overlord Story
by Simeon The Conqueror
Summary: (Suggestive Language, themes, and events)Naruto is now an evil overlord and is trying to take over the world. Sasuke, his trusted lieutenant, and Konohamaru, his trusted planner, are by his side. Sakura too.
1. New Base

The Evil Overlord Story-Written by SimeonTheConqueror A.K.A. Matt Sterling. Another terrific event shows you into a mind of an idiot madman.  
  
AN: This story has characters from the hit manga/anime series Naruto!, the characters may not look exactly like they do in the manga, so do not be angered if they do not. This is the Evil Overlord Story.  
  
"Sir!" shouted a man. The man was six feet all and had brown hair and wore a black suit, with sunglasses on. Almost a Neo rip off. He was in a big room; the room had red carpet, and guards everywhere. Sitting on a chair was Naruto. He had grown up being an evil mad man, not wanting to, but by necessity. He had black hair that had grown over his eyes. They were still visible, but barely. He was five eight and wore a t-shirt and some baggy pants. He was currently twenty-six. He looked at the guard. "What?" his dad had been an evil mad man before him, and then his grandfather before that.  
  
"We have an army of one million, that almost rivals the British. Are we going to invade?"  
  
"Ah. Why the hell not. But first!" he motioned with his hand. A little six-year-old kid with red hair and reddened cheeks walked in.  
  
"Sir?" he said.  
  
"Trusted planner!" he said standing up. He walked to the small kid and patted his head. "What do you think of these plans?" he showed him a piece of paper that had doodles and other things written on them.  
  
". . ." the kid studied it. His eyes glowed. "Perfect!!!"  
  
"Okay trusted-"  
  
"Wait! A flaw!" he pointed to the paper. "Look here." He showed him the doodle of the bomb over England. "See here, this is where you put the bomb."  
  
"But that's in Iceland." Said the man who had been in there earlier.  
  
"I know!" said the kid.  
  
"Oh I see. . ." said Naruto.  
  
"Sir really, we shouldn't waste a bomb on such a small cou-" said the man before being cut off.  
  
"Silence! This 'Ice' land seems very intriguing. I think we should set a main base of operations there. It's icey, even if that's a word. No one would want to go there, it's INGENOUS."  
  
"Sir. In Iceland it's actually very grassy and hi-"  
  
"I said Silence now kill that man!" he pointed towards a guard. The guard looked around and was dropped into a pit. Naruto walked up to the man. "You are now the trusted Sasuke. That man was well a guard and hey other guard!" he pointed to another one. "Kill the current Sasuke!"  
  
"Sir!" the guard ran out and came back in a second later, his face bloody. "He put up a fight but I think I kicked him in the balls. Then he ran away."  
  
"Ok. . .TRUSTED SASUKE!"  
  
"Sir I'm righ-"  
  
"I said, 'TRUSTED SASUKE."  
  
"What, sir?"  
  
"Get our things! We're going on a road trip. . ." the kid ran around in circles laughing and Naruto joined him. The Sasuke just walked away.  
  
"Wooh!!!" said Naruto running out of their "base" that turned out to be a old supermarket. Even though he hadn't lied about the troops their base was in need of moving out of Albany, New York. After getting in about three million cars that Naruto had somehow gotten his hands on, the Sasuke didn't dare ask. They went to the coastline and Naruto paid for the tickets, a million of them.  
  
"Sir?" said the Sasuke.  
  
"Where did you get all that money?"  
  
"Oh, I found the pot at the end of the rainbow, it's awesome! They send you a moose trading card and a million bucks everyday! See look!" he showed him a tax refund.  
  
"Sir, you just paid too much. Or you are getting the wrong refund."  
  
"Do not question Naruto!!!" said the kid.  
  
"Oh yeah," said Naruto. "You've been following me around, Trusted Planner, what's your name?"  
  
"I told you eight times alr-"  
  
"Name."  
  
"Konohamaruothy Barker."  
  
"Ahaha! Konohamaruothy. . . Trusted Planner do not tell me such things!"  
  
"Want to see my year book?"  
  
"You aren't even in school, are you?"  
  
"I am in KINDERGARTEN! You didn't notice!? Where else would I get a Burger King hat!?"  
  
". . .Burger King?" said Sasuke.  
  
"Besides there!"  
  
"Fine. Kindergarten, I am sorry for questioning your intelligence." If he wanted, the Sasuke could take over the business, but he respected the thoughts that it was a family owned business. Sucker.  
  
Iceland  
  
"What the hell!?" said Naruto as he walked out of the airport. "It's supposed to be cold! Trusted Sasuke!? You failed me!?"  
  
"I said it was-"  
  
"Silence!" he looked around. "I'll just get my top secret scientists to create me a super weather-thingy. Yeah that'd be good. Trusted Sasuke! Carry out the order immediately."  
  
"We don't have any scientists, you killed them all."  
  
"Kidnap some! Sheesh! You have no idea how hard it is to be a Evil Overlord. I mean you have to kill and kill and kill and then when your all tired and stuff your killings did bad when at first you thought you did good but at the same time you did bad and you question yourself for these thoughts then you think of how Pokemon went out and then! And then! You think of SpongeBob."  
  
"You must have a hard life sir." A sarcastic tone ran all over his voice.  
  
"Enough of this banter! Lets find our base of operations!" he walked around and looked through the parking lot. "This should be good." He got out a notepad and sketched a overlord base. "INGENIOUS!" he gave it to Sasuke.  
  
"What do you want me to do with it, sir?'  
  
"Send it so Sherwin Williams or something, they can build houses right?"  
  
"No, they sell paint."  
  
"Oh well get them Sony people to do that."  
  
"They don't build houses either."  
  
"Damn it who does!"  
  
"Well maybe we could contact the Evil Business Man and he can tell us?" he showed Naruto a card, it had a number and Satan on the front.  
  
"Satan, eh? Well let me see him in action." He took his cell-phone out and dialed a couple of numbers. "How do you spell help?"  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Text messaging."  
  
"Why don't you just call him?"  
  
"Because, Sasuke, that is so nineties. Do you get out at all. Hey look he answered. What do you want." He read from the screen. He punched "I want help." He waited. "Damn it answe-ah look it that. For what?" he punched in, "To build house." He sat patiently as Sasuke and Konohamaru looked around. The troops started to file out of the airport, eating the complementary taco's. "Be there in a second."  
  
All of a sudden the ground started to shake. A rip in the parking lot opened and a red light came out. A man with a white business suit popped out. "Hello. I am Satan. Sell you soul to me and I will do anything for you."  
  
"Well first off, Satan; I want a pony."  
  
"Who's soul will this be going to?"  
  
"His." He pointed to a random soldier. A gray outline of the soldier came out of his body and went in the crack. It was screaming. "That was unexpected. Oh yes. I want a base of operations to go out to that guy." He gave Satan his drawling and pointed to another guy that was beside the first. The same happened and the man fell down, his eyes white. The crack grew larger, sending Naruto and the troops backward. A giant pill appeared out of the crack. It quickly closed to it's regular size.  
  
"One sec," said Satan as he grew larger in till he got to the top of the pill. He put a dab of water on it and the pill turned into a huge house, destroying the airport and everything around it. Seconds later they were inside the main hall and the troops had been separated and went to their barracks.  
  
"I love this job," said Naruto.  
  
"So when are we going to invade Britain sir?" said Sasuke. "It would really help us be noticed."  
  
"I don't know." Naruto was playing a Playstation2 game with Konohamaru. Konohamaru was beating him horribly in what seemed to be a fighting game. "What'd you think Konohamaru?"  
  
"I think we should invade them, after I kick your butt!"  
  
"Oh yeah!? Take this!" the character punched Konohamaru's. Konohamaru's opened his arms and a giant beam came out, half killing Naruto's. Naruto switched characters and kicked his. Konohamaru's once again half killed the character. Then Konohamaru gave it the final combo and won the match. "Just a button masher." He tossed the controller aside. "Lets go to Britain. . .I feel like destroying right now, kinda like this!" he kicked a cushion. It flew in the air and landed. Konohamaru ran up and kicked it.  
  
"Like this!"  
  
"No like this!" Sasuke just walked away. An hour later they joined him laughing at the scene just an hour ago. Sasuke gave them a smile.  
  
"Ready to go?"  
  
"Yes, wait how are the soldiers going?"  
  
"They have their own ships, we will be in the back, observing. We don't want you to die, of course. So sir please get on board." They walked onto the ship, it was a standard military issue. "And this is our quarters."  
  
"It's too small."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Where am I going to fit the Ps2? I mean the cubby hole wont do."  
  
"Sir we need to focus on other things than games."  
  
"No! I want my Ps2!!"  
  
"But sir!"  
  
"No."  
  
"Fine. Fetch someone to get it." He told a boy cleaning outside. The boy ran off. "Sir, at six am we are going to reach Britain, and the invasion can begin."  
  
"That's where we take over Tokyo right?" said Konohamaru.  
  
"Tokyo is in Japan."  
  
"And Japan is in. . ."  
  
"Japan."  
  
"How can it be inside-"  
  
"IT'S A COUNTRY."  
  
"Oh. Lookit that."  
  
Naruto walked around the ship. He could have his stupid times, but he was truly an invader, he once saw his father do it in 1980. He was only three at the time but he liked the feeling that a country was to be his fathers, and then soon his own. Deep within him his body urged for conquering. He liked the feeling, the taste, the smell, the everything. Even as a child.  
  
A ten year old Naruto ran down the hall of a school, it was his old, private school. He ran inside a doorway and three other heavy boys followed. "Pay up." He said.  
  
"But I only have a quarter!!!" said the kid at the table.  
  
"We need fifty cents, so pay up or get beat up." A little devil aint he?  
  
"No!"  
  
"Then get beat up, go!" the three guys ran out and the kids friends joined in. Naruto ran up and started on the first boy as one of the boys who followed him helped out. He punched the kid and kicked him in the groin. The kid fell back and one of his minions punched him in the head. By this time the nun had appeared.  
  
"Naruto!?" she yelled.  
  
"I'm sorry for everything, Ms. Johnson, it's just you need to tell your kid to pay up." He said to the mother.  
  
Another flashback, he was four and in the sandbox at the day care. "Hahah!" he kicked a sandcastle. A little girl started crying. "Shut up!" he threw sand at her and ran to the blocks and ran head first into them. His driver looked on through the gate and laughed.  
  
"Naruto! Stop torturing the kids, you'll have your chance." The driver picked him up.  
  
"Wooh!" the little kid yelled as they left the day care, leaving the little destruction Naruto had caused in their wake.  
  
"Ahh the good old days," he said as he looked out into the setting sun. "I wish everyday was as good as today." A man walked up to him.  
  
"Sir! Your tax refund!"  
  
"Yes yes." He took it and put it in his pocket. "Every day. . ." he looked closer at the sun, despite how stupid this was he was having his little emotional time. "Father, some day I'll control more than you, and I'll hand it down to my son, and then his son, and soon we can rule the earth. Maybe when I die we can overthrow Satan or something. Nah. He sold me a house." 


	2. Using Copyrighted Characters to Conquer

Chapter Two  
  
"Sir the invasion has started." The Sasuke stood behind him, now it was daytime and probably about twelve o'clock. "The British leaders had no idea that it was going to happen. We have such an advantage sir! I think it's time that we send out that bomb."  
"Konohamaru!" said Naruto. Konohamaru appeared out of no where and stood beside him saluting.  
"Sir!"  
"Do you think we should drop the bomb on England? And if so. . .where?"  
"The bomb is good, sir, it's just you need to drop it. . ." he thought for a moment. "On Japan!"  
"Damn it!" said the Sasuke as he picked the small child up. "This is about the future of our organization!"  
"I know that."  
"Damn it!! Just let the bomb over London and they will fall. Trust me sir." Naruto thought for a moment. 'Maybe if I drop it on London, Britain will fall easily but if I drop it over Japan, God knows what will happen. . .Japan, London, Japan, Pizza.'  
"I HAVE IT!"  
"What is it?!"  
"We're going to drop this bomb over London. Sorry Trusted Planner but this is for all Pizza's everywhere. They fought in the trenches, the skies, the snows!"  
"Sir. I think I los-"  
"Silence! Sasuke! Get me a pizza! Immediately! We can then talk to it and it will tell us Optomisis' plans. . ."  
"Who the hell is Opto-"  
"He's the Transformer you idiot! I swear sometimes you just so stupid. . .now where's that pizza?"  
"Yeah!" said Konohamaru as he kicked Sasuke in the shin. "Get the pizza, pizza lackey!"  
"Damn kid!" said the Sasuke as he left. He went to the kitchen and got the pizza. "Damn it when the hell is he going to grow smart!?"  
"Sasuke!" said Naruto as he got onto the ships top. He gave him the pizza and Naruto studied it. "You failed me again!?"  
"How sir?"  
"This is cheese! Look! Cant you smell the. . .cheesiness!? It's all cheese, like you! You cant have a cheese pizza, Konohamaru go get me a real pizza."  
"Sir!" he ran off.  
"Sir, is he coming back?"  
"No, Sasuke, no. . ."  
  
"Sir the pizza!" said Konohamaru. It was now ten o'clock at night and Naruto was trying to sleep. "The pizza!"  
"Konohamaru. It's ten o'clock."  
"I know, I had to swim to the mainland to get a pizza."  
"Why the HELL did you do that?"  
"Uh. I don't know."  
"Just leave the pizza here, we'll talk to it tomorrow."  
"Sir!" he ran off again.  
"Uh, sir?" said the Sasuke. "Isn't his bed over there?"  
"Yes."  
  
England  
  
"Do not move, try to make hazardous movements, eat lead, or move and we will not kill you," said a soldier through a blow horn. "YOU!" he pointed to a man riding a bike. "KILL THAT MAN!" eighty tanks went off and the man was blown off of the street. "Okay, do not move. . ."  
"Sir the plan is going according to. . .plan."  
"I know Sasuke! This is so cool! I got all them Brits in the army, and they all mine! Wooh! After bombing London Britan just fell to my wraith! Wooh! Good work in thinking of the plan, Trusted Planner!"  
"But sir that was my plan."  
"No it wasn't. It was Trusted Planners!" he gave Konohamaru some chocolate. Konohamaru started eating it and he started running into things in the small tank. Konohamaru ran up to the Sasuke.  
"It was my plan!"  
"No it wasn't, you wanted to bomb Japan!"  
"We're in Japan, Sasuke," said Naruto.  
"Someone shoot me. . ."  
"Can be arranged." The gun clicked.  
"Not now!"  
"Sir!" said a voice over the radio. "We have someone in front of us, want him to blow up?"  
"Let me see this man!" he put his head out of the top of the tank. A man with red spiky hair and a tan tattoo going from his right eye to his ear stood in front of him. The tattoo went in and out and looked like a ribbon on his face. He wasn't muscular but he wasn't scrawny either. "Shoot him!" the tanks went off and the man stood there, the rounds coming closer.  
He jumped up into the air and avoided the bombs. "Naruto! You shall perish today!" he jumped towards him.  
"Is he talking about me?"  
"Sir get down!" the Sasuke threw him down the tank. The man landed at the top.  
"Naruto Time to die!"  
"Shoot that man!" said a soldier.  
"I'll kill you later." He jumped off. Naruto quickly scrambled up the tank.  
"Hahah! You cannot defeat me because I'm NARUTO THE EVIL OVERLORD!"  
"Sir you almost died!"  
"No, you are just paranoid soldier."  
  
"Naruto," said president Bush. They were now in Iceland and inside the base of operations. Naruto sat at his chair watching the little meeting. "Pull your troops out of Britain now!"  
"I will if you give me all your troops, Mr. Bush."  
"Never!"  
"Fine! I'll just bomb you!"  
"Sir we don't have any bombs left," whispered the Sasuke to his ear.  
"Very well. Give me all your troops or I will bomb New York City. Remember London?" he showed some graphic images.  
"Those look like a Christmas party."  
"Wha-Damn it! Show the other ones!"  
"OH GOD NO! You can have them! Where do you want them to go?"  
"Britain. Send them there."  
  
United States Postal Service  
  
"Get in the damn box!" said a fat old lady as she pushed a soldier inside a cardboard box.  
"But I don't wanna!" said the soldier.  
"Damn it!" she shocked him with a shocker. He fell unconscious and the next soldier came in.  
"Am I going to return to the 'states?"  
"No!" she shocked him and threw him in the box.  
  
"Your troops are on their way," said Bush. "Twenty million of them."  
"Hahah!"  
"Pull your troops out now!"  
"You idiot, why would I! Now I have twenty one million soldiers. You only have about five million left and all I need now is to conquer Russia and I control the world." A smile went across his face. "You're an idiot, Mr. Bush. Now where's my ham! I'm hungry as hell!" the TV clicked off.  
"Mr. President?" said Chaney.  
"Dick, we need to get more troops! Now sign the bill to dig oil in Alaska and then go get a petition online to stop him!"  
"Ok!!!"  
  
"Konohamaru!" said Naruto. "Where did the pizza go?"  
"It's right here, sir!" said Konohamaru as he brought it in. He put it on a chair in front of Naruto. Naruto got up.  
"So Mr. Pizza, tell me, what's Optomis' plans? If you tell us, we'll make you an anchovy pizza. Now come on! Tell! Squeal! Do anything!" The lid opened.  
"Fine!" it squealed. Sasuke stepped back. "Optomis is going to go to the Deceptigon's base! He's going to kill Megatron! Oh God oh God oh God!! Noooooo-can I have the anchovy's now?"  
"Yes! I knew this Optomis was up to something. Just never thought he would get Megatron in this. Konohamaru!"  
"Sir!"  
"Call this 'Toonami' that shows these war stories. I want them stopped!"  
"Sir!" he ran off.  
  
8:30, Saturday  
  
"Come on come on! No more commercials!" he sat in his chair with some pop corn around him. Finally the robot guy showed up and he listened ever closer.  
"Transformers Armada up next!"  
"Damn them! Konohamaru! Konohamaru!"  
"Sir!?"  
"You called these, 'robotic' people, yes?"  
"No, yes?"  
"Yes or no, yes?"  
"No, what?"  
"Your confusing me!! Did you call the robotic people and tell them to send the stories off the air." In the back round the things the pizza had spoke about were happening.  
"Uh. . .no."  
"Damn it!"  
"Aren't you going to change the channel, sir?" said the Sasuke.  
"Just because you want to watch Teen Idol doesn't mean that I want to!"  
"Well, I thought you didn't want to watch this." Naruto took a bite of popcorn.  
"Teen Titans is up next," he grimly said.  
  
"Oh yeah this is great!!!" said Konohamaru as he watched the conquering of Denmark. The troops ran past the camera and he laughed again. "Wooh!"  
"Oh yeah!" said Naruto.  
"Sir, this isn't ve-hey it's that assassin again!" said the Sasuke as he pointed to the same guy they'd seen before. He ran towards the soldiers and started killing him.  
"Kill him!" shouted Naruto through the radio. They were still at the base though.  
"We're trying."  
"Kill them bloody Americans (No offense, I'm a patriot.) that are getting killed anyways!"  
"Sir!" the man was shot though he ran off.  
"Hahah, another job well done-see that baker! Kill him!" the baker ran off, bullets after him.  
"Sir, we don't really need to kill the innocent."  
"Oh sure we do, see that guy who killed my soldiers. He was an innocent."  
"No he wasn't. He tried to kill you."  
"Silence! Hey Konohamaru you still got that Scrabble game?"  
"Sir!" he took the box out.  
"Ingenious!" they started playing. "Hey Sasuke want to play?"  
"Why not. . ." the Sasuke said as he sat down. "Lemme see, there asshole."  
"ME!?"  
"No sir! Look a-s-s-h-o-l-e."  
"I see. Hahah counter this! Tristain!"  
"That's not a wo-"  
"Shut up!" said Konohamaru as he threw a piece at him.  
  
"Denmark is ours," said the Sasuke in front of Naruto.  
"Sweet, now this Belgium. . .don't they make cheese there? I want this cheese country, then after that we can threaten France and get their country! (no offense, again) This is the best job, and I get paid!" he said as he took the check.  
"Yes, sir. What shall we do now?"  
"Invade Belgium!!! Then France too. . .I guess."  
"Sir."  
  
Denmark. A short day later  
  
"Wooh! Cheese!" Naruto said. He had a cheese hat, shoes, and shirt on. He was throwing the cheese around as the Sasuke stood beside him. Konohamaru was happily eating as much cheese as he could. "Cheese cheese cheese, stand before my knees! I am the best, oh yes! Cheese!"  
"Sir, we should be going their army is ours now and-"  
"Sasuke, I'd kill you right now, but Trusted Sasukes are hard to find these days. So consider yourself lucky."  
"Yes. . .sir."  
  
"But three countries are yours!" said a Chinese man. Others were beside him so Naruto guessed it to be the United Nations. "Stop this madness before we are forced to kill you!"  
"Kill me?!"  
"Yes. We have an agent already out!"  
"You mean the redhead? He got shot."  
"So he's dead?"  
"Yup. Now onto other matters. This 'Toonami' as they call themselves show grim war stories! We want them stopped."  
"It's just a sho-"  
"Stop the madness!"  
"Will you stop?"  
"No. It's just a favor."  
"Never!"  
"Fine, asshole. I'll give you a moose card."  
"Perfect! Send it and then we'll cancel the show immediately!"  
"But ambassador!" said a voice in the background.  
"Shut up! I wanted the moose card for so long I've forgotten what it is!"  
"Sir!" said Sasuke as the TV clicked off. France has surrendered.  
"Hahah woosies."


	3. Blast From the Past

Chapter Three AN: ANYTHING that is not copyrighted to me, like any other materials, objects, or characters that are copyrighted to other corporations do belong to them, not me.  
  
France, Twelve thirty  
  
A grin made it's way across Naruto's face. Konohamaru and the Sasuke stood next to him as well as the forty thousand soldiers. They were on a hill as the remaining French charged the army. Bullets started flying. "Ah shit!" Naruto threw a guy in front of him. "Protect me!!"  
  
"Sir I-" he was shot. Naruto took his body and gun and started shooting at the French. (nothing against French people) Some fell and Konohamaru ran up behind Naruto and did the same as Naruto did.  
  
"Sir, shouldn't you get to a safe place?"  
  
"Hell no this is cool! See how many bullets this dead dude has stopped? See take that guy and use him as a shield!"  
  
"But this is inhumane!"  
  
"So."  
  
"No."  
  
"Do it or your dead, Trusted Sasuke."  
  
"Fine. . ." he picked up a guy and started shooting a pistol at the people down the hill. There was about ten or twenty thousand of them and they seemed to be running into a hell. It's funny that people would do this for a country when they could very well just move somewhere else. "Sir, they are coming close, are you willing to do some close quarter combat?"  
  
"Oh yeah! I got me samurai outfit under this!"  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"Oh yeah!" he ripped off the fatigues and he looked just like a black haired samurai. "Wooh! Konohamaru you got yours?" Konohamaru did the same and he had a littler version of his. It seemed that Konohamaru had become Naruto's "mini me" As soon as the French got close enough all the men ripped off their fatigues showing samurai outfits. They ran past Sasuke as Naruto and Konohamaru watched and then went off, Sasuke forced himself to follow. Naruto kicked the first one he saw and unsheathed a sword. It was Japanese and was probably a katana. He ran forward and Konohamaru ran off of his back and killed the first guy he saw.  
  
Sasuke just shot people as soon as they got close enough, backing Naruto and Konohamaru up. Naruto slashed a guy and then saw the red head that had almost killed him, twice. "Your time to die, Naruto!!" he unsheathed a sword and charged Naruto.  
  
"Not yet!" he blocked the sword and pushed it forward. The man ran at him again and their swords sparked. "Tell me your name!" "It is. . ." he looked at Naruto and threw his sword at him again, only to be blocked.  
  
"You can tell me!" "It's. . .Kiba!" Naruto stopped.  
  
"What?" he then remembered the sword and blocked. Kiba kicked him and sent him flying. He walked up to him and pointed the sword at his neck. Naruto gave him a funny look and Kiba threw his sword up and then stopped, a bullet had stopped him. "Haha, I don't know why I didn't do that earlier." Said Naruto as the man fell.  
  
"Naruto. . .trust me on this. My friends will kill you. You are going to die."  
  
"Alright, so."  
  
"Tell my wife I love her."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Just do it you asshole."  
  
"I'm leaving now." He walked off.  
  
"Wait!" he turned around. "Tell my dog, that I hate him!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Wait!"  
  
"Damn it shut up!" he shot the guy again and then started killing more.  
  
Two in a half hours later  
  
"We win!!!" shouted a soldier. "Yeah we do!!!" said another.  
  
"Holy crap we won!" said Sasuke. He had doubted this happening but they had done it. About thirty thousand soldiers were left standing. None of the French had survived, especially Kiba. Naruto walked up to the body.  
  
"Ha, we win asshole!" he shot the corpse again and walked off. "Lets go home. . ."  
  
"Ice" Land Six o clock  
  
"Sir, your evening post has arrived!" said a minion. He handed Naruto the paper and he looked at the front lines.  
  
"Stop!" he read the article.  
  
OVERLORD USES INHUMANE IDEALS TO WIN WARS  
  
Naruto Zeehger, the evil overlord who has the whole world in a tissy has invaded France. There ten thousand rebels fought his army, and lost. The hero of the battle, Kiba Williams, fought Naruto and died. (Naruto: Damn straight!) As the rebels reached the hill that the army was perched on; Naruto used a body of a dead man to shield himself from bullets. Another man, Jim Raun was also seen doing this before the army apparently turned into samurai. The French were overtaken and lost.-Pat Murphy Stark  
  
"I can't believe they said my last name. I never subscribed to a German paper! They spelled my name wrong! It's Zeeger! Z-ger! Idiots. Heh, lookit this, they used the Sasukes name. . .Raun. . .Jim. . .heh." He walked down to the man who had given it to him. He put his hand around him. "You see, boy," the man was thirty eight. "You need to think about these before you do it, you know think before you act."  
  
"But you don't sir." They entered a hall of pictures.  
  
"That doesn't matter. See here," he pointed to Satan. "he gave us this wonderful base of operations, full with stuff I just cant send to the public or my arch rival."  
  
"And that would be sir?" his voice sounded robotic.  
  
"Hey by chance you aren't a robot, are you?"  
  
"Heh heh, nooo." He held his hands out as he said it. "Tell me the secrets of the base." A microphone popped out of his head.  
  
"Okay here!" he pressed a button. "I'm not that stupid you idiots!" a gun popped out from Satan's head and the robot was shot eight times. "Ahahah! You almost had me, but you didn't! That's the beauty of it, huh? You have any nachos?" the camera went out. A room full of people with red hair looked on.  
  
"So Kiba is dead!?" said one girl.  
  
"Yes, Genet he is. . ."  
  
"Noooo! No no no!!! Do we have any Taco Bell left?"  
  
". . .I ate the last one!!!"  
  
"Nooo!" she kept screaming as the papers and models on the desk as she stepped on it. She fell to her knees and stopped and then walked to her seat.  
  
"Okay to business now." A huge transparent screen popped out of the desk. The man walked on it and to the center, knocking down coffee and other things. "Naruto has eight thousand troops on this island, mere." He pointed to Scotland. "Now if we can take that over we can get into England and then finally France and Belgium. Afterwards we send all our units to his base in Iceland."  
  
"Nice plan!" said a bald guy with a red goatee. "Now are we admitting any other hair colors in our armies now?"  
  
"No!" he cracked his pointer.  
  
"Why not! We only have about three hundred soldiers! Naruto has at least ten million!"  
  
"And that will be an advantage of his, nothing else."  
  
"Fine sir. . . but why don't we just go ah-"  
  
"NO!" his eye twitched.  
  
"But you haven't even hea-"  
  
"No."  
  
"B-"  
  
"No!"  
  
Konohamaru sat on his computer playing some sort of war game, probably Risk. He clicked and laughed. "Sir?" said Sasuke.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Shouldn't you be looking at the news?"  
  
"No this is my guide, see!" he pointed to France, a little circle was in the middle of it and had the number twenty two in it. "See we move from France to. . ." he clicked on Germany. The screen went in and little soldiers started fighting. He clicked pause. "Germany! Now we fight!" he stood up.  
  
"But we haven't eve-"  
  
"We fight!!!"  
  
France Ten P.M.  
  
"Sir are you sure we should be out here instead of being in a cozy tent?" said Sasuke as they sat around a fire. Naruto was warming his hands up and Konohamaru was already asleep, right next to the fire. "And shouldn't he move, I mean he might catch on fire."  
  
"Nah he's good!" a soldier dropped a log in the fire and it went upward and sparks went everywhere. One landed on Konohamaru's blanket, it immediately caught fire and he started rolling around. "Damn it save him!" he threw a man on the blanket. "Protect him with your fluffiness!" the man caught on fire and all the fire seemed to fall off of Konohamaru. He ran around in circles and Naruto picked up a gas canister. "Here's some water!!!" the gas went and caught on the man. The fire grew taller and bigger and Naruto sat down. "I'm done."  
  
"Now I know what a marshmallow feels like," said the Sasuke.  
  
The next day  
  
"Sir, it seems that Germany is ten miles way, and it's noonTime." Sasuke looked at his watch as they wore the regular uniform for now on, the samurai outfit.  
  
"I don't see why Bush did this. . ." said one of the Americans.  
  
"Shut up!" Naruto kicked him.  
  
"Holy hell it's the bastard himself!"  
  
"Yep!"  
  
"Shoot him!" He threw the gun around and was quickly shot by Sasuke.  
  
"Wow." Naruto looked shocked. "T-Thanks Sasuke. I might actually have had the thought as to giving you some respect!"  
  
"Really!?"  
  
"Nah I'm just messin!"  
  
Germany  
  
"Konohamaru!" said Naruto as he looked around the camp area. It was only three but Naruto insisted that they had stop. "Where's Konohamaru damn it!?"  
  
"We looked everywhere sir! He's not here!"  
  
Deep in the cold dark rooms of the base Konohamaru awakened. He had been out for so long. Konohamaru jumped from the bed and walked out into the halls, no one was there. He got a chilly feeling down his back as he turned a corner! Suddenly he saw nothing! Nothing at all!!! (I like screwin with ya!) He gasped and walked outside. He walked across a bridge that seemed to just show up. He stood halfway through it and a paper bag passed by him, this was. . .day number two.  
  
A paper passed him and he stepped on it, it read: Day one, everyone leaves. . . day two, outbreak of the chocolate famine. The paper crinkled in his hands. He let it go and he walked into the church that happened to be there. (Naruto is Christian, no matter how weird a evil overlord can be, he is a Christian) He looked inside.  
  
A priest with a black, chocolaty face was inside. He ran towards Konohamaru at incredible speeds. Konohamaru ran out of the church and two people pulled up. "Help! Help!" he said as a Fisher Price truck pulled towards him.  
  
"Should we stop?" said the girl. She was probably Konohamaru's age and was black.  
  
"Yeah why the hell not!" said the boy he looked around five though. He stopped and looked at Konohamaru, the girl who was driving stuck her head out.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Ah! You're a chocolate beast!!!" He ran away and they drove after him.  
  
"We just want to help you!!!"  
  
"That's what you always say, Republican!!!" the truck hit him and he fell unconscious. 


	4. Berlin

Chapter Four

"He must have stayed at the base, you know to protect us and stuff." Naruto looked around. "You know what I should do!" he took out a bottle from his pocket, the label said it was bleach. "I'ma going to dye my hair!" The Sasuke shot back at this.

"Don't do that! You need to do it with water and not out here in the middle of France!"

"Idiot, we are five miles from Germany right? So technically it isn't the middle of France. And besides I don't need no new age water, this is the old fashioned way!" he stuck his head back and poured the liquid into his hair. "This stuff's taste sucks. . ."

"Sir you aren't supposed to drink it either."

"Oh sorry MOM."

"Sir I just sai-"

"Shut up." He lifted his hair, it was slowly changing yellow, then a rusty red. "Holy crap I'm a redhead! I'll change that!" he took a bottle of blue dye. "Come on come on!" he put the bottle above his head and squeezed it. The liquid poured over his head and hair. "Ah it burns damn it!!"

"Sir you aren't supposed to get it in your eyes neither."

"Oh I'm sorry mister perfect that cant handle a little bit of mind numbing pain once in a while."

"Are you awake?" said the girl that Konohamaru had met earlier.

"Yeah why not." He flung up, smacking her head as he went upwards. She fell back and the other guy walked in. "Who're you?"

"I'm Peter. You can call me Pete." He shook Konohamaru's hand.

"And that is?" he looked at the unconscious girl.

"Rebecca, you can call her Becky."

"Okay, I'm down." He hopped off of the bed he was sleeping on earlier. "Is she going to be alright?"

"Yeah."

"Okay first off, who's the boss around here? You or Becky?"

"Me, why."

"What happened here. Why are the priests running around chasing me, that's kind of creepy you know."

"Well first off back in eighty two, some female rights activist people decided that they didn't like chocolate so they made the whole world a big chocolate bar of. . .chocolatienessthingymaggiers. Then Satan came and ate them, though the activists didn't get us!"

Becky stood up. "You idiot, chocolatienessthingmaggiers isn't even a word. And it happened like this, ANIMAL activists came and released the chocolate monkeys and they came and. . ." her voice trailed off as Konohamaru quietly snuck out of the room as Becky and Pete were arguing about how "it" happened. Konohamaru walked down the hall and noticed he was near the kitchen and his room. He had the two things to hold him off for a while.

"Sir your hair is now blue," said the Sasuke as Naruto came back from the river. It turned out better than he had thought and it wasn't a rusty red anymore. Now Naruto just looked like a full idiot, it naturally spiked and his hair looked even more stupid with the added eyebrows; one blue one black. He was a true hairstylist.

"Uh huh. It looks coo!" he shot a finger at him and a camera crew ran up and put a light on him for a split second.

"You look like an idiot."

"You know; the only thing I pay you for is to be dishonest."

"Right."

"Okay, now we better get moving."

"But it's ten o'clock."

"I'm hungry do they have a Wendy's around here?"

"Sir we're in France, the only thing they have here is a big metal pole you knocked down."

"Oh yeah, the leaning tower of pizza?"

"That's in Italy, besides its Leaning Tower of Pisa!"

"We should go there so it could be pizza, then we can change its name and we can have a little pizza shop there! And people could like MY REIN OF TERROR!"

"Sir, the troops are trying to slee-"

"Shut up, it's only ten! We're getting drunk tonight!" he ran down the line of tents unzipping each one and yelling inside. The Sasuke did the same.

Two hours later

"Do we have anymore beer?" said Naruto.

"No sir, we hardly had any in the first place." Naruto was running around, drunk. He was a laughing drunk, one that made Sasuke very pissed. Him and the soldiers were singing and sitting around a fire. That was a mistake they should have remembered.

"And then she. . ." said Naruto as he lost a line.

"Fell!!" said a soldier.

"Yeah! And then she fell and danced the night away!!! Haha!"

"Sir could you stop and go to sleep?"

"It's only midnight!" he said as he leaned over to Sasuke, his breath in his face and his beer spilling on him. "Haha! You pissed yourself!"

"Sir, I'm leaving."

"Don't leave yet, party pooperthingy!"

"Haha! I have an idea!" said the red-haired man, back at the red hair base. "The Red Company can run in now and attack em! Like this!" he jumped on the table and started kicking around.

"No!!!" said a voice, everyone gasped at the sight. It was Kiba. He was supposed to be dead. His red hair was now darker and was blood red. He smirked at the gasping.

"Wait who the hell are you?" said the red haired man.

"Kiba fool!"

"But your dead."

"Not anymore." He smiled and his eyes light up.

"Die chocolate freeek!" shouted Konohamaru as he threw a empty pop can at one of the zombie people. In real life it turned out to be a guard having a soda can thrown at him.

"Damn it kid!" he ran towards him at seemingly impossible speeds.

"Get in the truck!" he shouted as Becky pulled off, leaving Pete. He looked back and the guard took him and started running outside. Konohamaru and Becky looked back as the little truck drove off.

"Pete was a good guy," said Becky.

"Yup. I just would have liked it better if he wasn't crazy."

"Was crazy."

"Ah."

The car stopped outside as they stopped to help two other people fighting the people. It turned out to be a little boy and his Barbie doll. "Go go go!" he yelled as the truck went off.

"So who're you?" said Konohamaru.

"I'm Jimmy! This is Barbara, my daughter!"

"Daughter. . .where's your wife?"

"She's a chocolate person!!!" he started crying.

"Fruit." Said Becky as the truck stopped to a halt at the main building.

"And Germany was invaded as well today. The seemingly undefeatedable Overlord Army is walking through Berlin as I speak. They are right behind me, see!" the reporter pointed to the soldiers walking.

"Uh. . .sir. . ." said a soldier to the reporter. "Undefeatable isn't a word."

"SO WHAT!"

The reporter's screaming caught the attention of a soldier with a speaker phone who was walking there too. He walked up to the reporter and said, no screamed, "No commercial crews or television crews or we will keel you!" the reporter walked away to another spot and continued up. The speaker phone man walked up to her again. "No commercial crews-"

"We heard you!" he said.

"Alright, keel her!" she ran away and three soldiers went after her, the camera guy followed as she went through the woods. The camera shook up and down every step. The camera guy found the reporter, she was scared and was shaking.

"I am so scared right now. . ." she said with her face right next to the camera.

"There he is!"

"Son of a bitch!" he started running again. The reporter went into a old house and the soldiers followed as well as the camera guy. He went down the stairs and saw the reporter looking at the corner and then he got knocked out.

Kiba walked over to the table. "First off, I'm the boss now. And second, order the. . ." he searched for a word but couldn't find one. "Order to recruit everyone you can get your hands on. You!" he pointed to the lady who had over dramatized over the taco.

"Me?"

"Yes, you. Find a weak spot in their defenses so we can invade their base."

"But we don't even know where they are."

"Then put a tracker on the boat they are in, they have to go to their base someKonohamarue. Got it?"

"Okay!" she ran off.

"You forgot the tra-screw it."

The next day

Naruto awoke at twelve o'clock, when he awoke the Sasuke was sitting inside their car as they drove through Berlin. "How long have I been out?" he put his hand to his head.

"About ten hours sir."

"Wow, did we win?"

"Yes, we did, sir."

"Yeah! And I did nothing to accomplish it. Maybe I should get drunk more often, but that was the first Konohamarue I drank." He sat up and rubbed his already messed up hair. He managed a smile. "How long in till we get back to Iceland?"

"About another day touring Germany and we're done."

"Screw that I'm going back home right now, you can tour and shit buy I'm leaving." He went to the driver. "Hey go to the coast man, I need to get off this continent." The driver tipped his hat and turned the car around and started going northeast. After a full day of driving they made it to his boat, where the girl lay in wait.

She ran up and stuck the tracker to the boat and then saw Naruto as he argued about some random thing to Sasuke. He stopped and looked at her and their eyes met. Naruto stopped and pushed Sasuke off the docks. He tried to keep his balance and then fell over as they met in the sunset. "Hi, I'm Naruto. I probably took over your country once already." (What a catch line)

"Heh, I'm Sakura." She placed him away from the boat and put her back to it as she smiled at him and took the tracker off and put it in the water. "So how's that evil overlord thing doing?"

"Good, you want to come?"

"Sure why not." Her red hair flapped in the wind as they smiled at each other. By now Sasuke had made it ashore and walked up to Naruto and hit him on the back.

"Sir we need to get goin."

"Right, well lets get going Sakura!"

"Wait the girls going?"

"Yep!"

"Shouldn't we shoot her or something?" Sakura stopped and slapped him and kept on her way up the boat. It took them a little over a day to get to Iceland again, in the meanKonohamarue:

"Shouldn't you be spending Konohamarue playing Risk or something?" said Sasuke as he walked up to Naruto and Sakura. They were holding hands and looking out into the ocean.

"Nah, I'm just gonna sit here and watch the ocean."

"Fine sir. . ." he kept his cool. He wanted to in front of a lady, well a girl in his mind. She had to be at least twenty. Naruto was twenty nine so that was kind of a crime wasn't it? Damn it! They're in international waters. . .


	5. The Ironic Island

Chapter Five

"Sir we're Iceland now," said the Sasuke as the ship suddenly stopped. Naruto and Sakura walked off the boat with Sasuke scanning the area behind them.

Konohamaru showed up at the doorway, he looked more grown up now, maybe seven. "Holy shit its Konohamaru!" said Naruto. Konohamaru just gave him a glare. Naruto rubbed his head. "What's up little planner?"

"Who's this?" said Sakura.

"I am not little," said Konohamaru. He shot a glare at Sakura. "Who's the bitch?"

"!?What!?" she slapped him.

"Yo Konohamaru that wasn't called for, she's me girlfriend why?" he smiled and hugged her.

"Yeah you kid."

"I'm not a kid."

"Konohamaru, you want to play PS2?" Naruto bent down to his eye level. Konohamaru instantly turned back to his normal self.

"Hell yes!" he jumped up and down and started running around. Inside Sakura watched as they played the same fighting game as before. Konohamaru beat Naruto, as usual.

"Now come on! He was flying! You cant do that!"

"Yeah you can! Just press x and square!" Naruto followed the commands.

"Hey lookit that. It's still cheating!" his watch beeped. "Oh hey, Sakura you play." He walked to his computer and turned the Risk game on and clicked load. The previous game went up and he watched the monitor, his color went to Jamaica. "Sasuke!"

"Sir?" he instantly appeared behind him.

"We're going to Jamaica! Send some troops there too, you know."

"Okay, sir!" Sasuke walked off as Sakura beat Konohamaru.

"Now come on the thing was underground, you cant do that!" said Konohamaru. Naruto walked by.

"But Konohamaru, you can, just press triangle and R2."

"Shut up."

The Boat, around the Bermuda Triangle

"Sir we're experiencing some very heavy winds and a huge storm! We should stop at the nearest island!" said Sasuke. Naruto walked up to the glass in the operating room.

"Now Sasuke, if I wasn't an idiot I would listen, but that's going against my rules! A code of honor if you will! It's my duty to be completely and surely dumb, twenty four seven. Because as you-" he was cut off as the boat flipped over, sending them unconscious.

The next day-a island off of the island of Bermuda

Naruto opened his eyes, he was met by sand and he sat up with his hands. He looked around and found that he, Sasuke and Konohamaru had survived. "Sakura?"

"What?" said Sasuke as he painfully got up, he looked at the panicking Naruto.

"Sakura! Where the hell is Sakura!?" he stood up and looked around. He heard a noise by a coconut tree and looked up, he was met by a coconut in the face. Naruto fell back and Sakura jumped from the tree.

"Oh sorry Naruto, just getting food you know."

"Right," said Sasuke as he stood up and looked around. He hadn't lost his sunglasses, ironically. "Well it seems we're stuck, so we need to pick some chores." He kicked Konohamaru and the kid returned to life. "Konohamaru, you go search for more food. Sakura you go search for building supplies and I'll go search for natives. When Naruto gets up tell him to help you build the shelter." He walked of into the forest.

Konohamaru looked around, all they had was bananas and coconuts. He needed some chocolate right about then. Just a snickers or maybe a milky way. . .he needed them now. His stomach growled as he spotted a monkey, it turned into a steak and he started to drool. "Monkeee . . . heeere monkey. . ." he started to wave a banana around. The monkey followed it and jumped at him.

Konohamaru dodged the monkey and smacked its neck, knocking it unconscious. "Ahahah!" he said as he picked it up. "Come on George lets go back to the rest of the guys! Yep! Whooohoohoohoo!"

Sasuke had searched the whole island. Damn it he needed a cell phone right about now, then he remembered his own. He checked his pockets and found it was wet and broken. Verison needs waterproof packs. . . "Oh crap even if it did work I would need to have global system. Damn rollover minutes!" he stepped on the phone.

Naruto awoke, he sat up and found some trees and sticks near him. "Hey Naruto! Help me with the building stuff!" said Sakura as she tried to snap a branch.

"Sure why not." He stood up and helped her in till it snapped. He looked at the branch and then at the supplies. "We have any glue?"

Sasuke made it back to the camp. "Hey gu-Konohamaru?" Konohamaru was walking down the beach back and forth with the monkey dragging behind him.

"He's been like that for a while. . ." said Naruto as he tried to make the sticks stay in the sand. "I think the monkey did something to the kid, either that or your kick."

"Yeah why did you have to kick him?" said Sakura. "I mean he was just sleepin damn!"

"Come on! It was only a little kick!" said Sasuke.

"Little or big?"

"Just shut up and get more stuff. I don't think a branch tent is going to save us."

"Fine why don't you build it!?" said Naruto. "Huh? Huh? Huh?"

Two hours later

"Wow." Sakura stood inside the perfectly built hut. It was big enough for most of them but still small. . .or cozy?

"Hey this is actually good!" said Naruto. "Good work Trusted Planner!"

"But it was me who bui-" Sasuke was cut off.

"Hey don't try to steal the kids work! He's just going through a stage of skits frantic disease thingy. Yeah that's right." Konohamaru was bumping into the wall, back and forth. He would run into it and back up a step and try to go through it again.

"I don't think he's well. . ." said Sakura.

"Oh now you're the critic!?"

Three hours later nightKonohamarue

"Sir the storm is getting worse, I don't know how long this thing can handle."

"Sasuke remembers! I pay you to say stuff that isn't true!"

"But-"

"Is it true?"

"Fine. We should be fine."

He spread his arms out. "There we go!"

"Go away!" said a messed up Konohamaru. He was hugging the now awake and very pissed monkey. "This is my space!!!" he moved his hands along almost ninety percent of the little cabin.

"But that's-"

"My space!!! Mine!!!" he stood up and still held the monkey. "Pete said it was!"

"Hey wait didn't you call that thing George?" said Sakura.

"No, he changed his name!!"

"Fine. . . egh crap!" she looked at her hair, a split end met one hair. "NOO! Damn it!" she started shaking back and forth. "Need shower! Need shower! Conditioner. . .shampoo. . ."

"Then there was two," said Naruto.

"True."

A week or so later

"Holy crap!!" said Naruto. "Where's Sakura?"

"I don't know," said Sasuke. "Maybe those randomly placed footprints will take us to her?"

"Good point! You coming Konohamaru?" he looked at Konohamaru huddled up into the corner. He was shaking back and forth.

"They killed Earl!!!" he showed them the sleeping monkey.

"He's sleeping."

"No he's dead!!! No Jim! Matt! Bob!!!"

"We should go." Sasuke gently pushed Naruto out of the cabin. They followed the tracks and found that some village natives had taken Sakura. She was in a bowl and the natives were putting spices and food into the cauldron she was in.

"Hey!" she yelled. "Two ounces of pepper! Idiot!" she pointed out. One of the natives said something and then corrected his mistake. She looked over to the bushes, there Naruto and Sasuke looked on trying to think of a plan. "Hey guys! Coming to get some food too?" The natives found Naruto and the Sasuke.

"Run!" said Naruto as Sasuke pulled his gun out. He pulled the trigger though nothing came out.

"Damn water!!"

"Hey wait!" said Naruto as he stopped. "Where did they get all the food? This island is deserted!"

"Idiot mainland scum!" shouted one. "We took it so you couldn't eat it all! So nah!" he stuck his tongue out.

"Punk!" Naruto charged the man. They started fist fighting as Sasuke threw his gun at the natives. They ducked and the gun hit the cauldron and sparked, sending the spark to the whisk, lighting the cauldron.

"What the!?" said the native. "We weren't going to eat her idiot! We were simply going to take her out when it came Konohamarue to cook her! Mainland skin makes it flavorful!"

"Hey lookit that!" said Naruto stopping. He got punched and started up again. Sasuke took the half crispy Sakura out of the waters.

All in all the dispute settled and the natives were happy again after a duel between Naruto and the native which left one of the natives dieing in a freak banana accident. They told them of a boat that could send them back to the mainland.

"Wait!" said the Sasuke. "If you had a boat why didn't you leave earlier?"

"We wanted to share it with some other unlucky person that happened to find this island," said the native.

"Yeah," said Naruto. "Come on Konohamaru." He held his hand as they stepped on the boat as Naruto held the half body of Sakura.

"See this is why you should have gotten a plane," said Sasuke. The boat started off and it turned out that it could hold all of them, ironically. As they went out they saw that the island connected to a tourist attraction. Buildings lined the sky. "Damn it!!"

Naruto looked back at the natives, they were flicking him off as they smiled. "What. . .the. . .fuck. . .Trusted Sasuke?"

"Yeah."

"Remind me. . .that we need to nuke that place. Four hundred times. Four hundred one if neccesary."


	6. Stuck in New York Part1

C-apter Six

"P-34r my mad sk11z!1 (Fear my mad skills)" shouted a man next to Naruto. They were at the arcade, playing Mortal Kombat. Naruto stepped back from the machine.

"Shut up you stupid l33t punk. You win this Konohamarue! Next Konohamarue I shall ownz you."

"Lol!!11 Good 1!"

"Go to hell."

"Come on Sasuke you have to do better than that!!" shouted Naruto as they practiced the game at the base. Sasuke was losing extremely fast, possibly quicker than Naruto had lost to the l33t man.

"Sorry sir I was never good at arcade games!"

"Right! K.O.!"

"Ooh!" said Sakura as she eyed the game. "Can I play?"

"Yeah right!"

"What?"

"Listen," said the Sasuke. "Women never win at games, not even against me."

"Ahah!"

"What?" said Naruto. "Come on, I'll own you!"

"Bet me a thousand dollars!"

"You don't have a thousand dollars. . ."

"Can I borrow some?"

"Sure." She walked up to the little arcade game and they entered their quarters. "P-34r me!! (Fear me)"

"Sir can you please not talk like that l33t guy." Said the Sasuke.

"o!"

". . .yes sir."

"W-4t!? 1'm los1ng to joo!? (what I'm losing to you?)"

"Haha!" Naruto's character kicked and missed and Sakura's gave it a uppercut. "You suck!" the character then punched Naruto's in till it hit the wall, giving a K.O. to it.

"Fine you win."

"Where's the l33t?"

"I don't use it no more! Hey!"

"What?"

Naruto sat there sitting still with a ridiculous smile on his face. The Sasuke stepped in. "I think that a thought other than stupid entered his mind and he couldn't handle it, so like a normal l33t idiot his brain couldn't handle it and he shorted out."

"Aw. . ." Naruto then snapped back into reality.

"I have an idea!!!"

"You do!?"

"Why are you so shocked?"

"What is it. . ."

"Okay first off it be like this. . ." NOW I know why they always do that. It's so fun!

"P-34r t-3 l33t master (fear the l33t master)!!!" shouted the same l33t guy that had beaten Naruto in Mortal Kombat. Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke walked into the arcade, Naruto and Sakura had an increasing smile on their face, the one that says, hey I'm an idiot. Yeah that one.

"Hey! L33t!"

"W-4t 1s 1t?! (what is it)"

"I chalNarutoge you to a game of Mortal Kombat."

"R1g-t o! (right on)"

"But she'll be playing in my place." He gently shoved Sakura in front of him. She gave l33t a smile and he laughed a lol laugh. "Y34- r1g- t!" (yeah right)

"Then try me," said Sakura as she took a quarter from her pocket. They went to the arcade machine and the game started up. Sakura's character punched l33t's and then she was attacked with a move she couldn't think of.

"1'm te- Mort4r Komb4t m4str! (I'm the mortal kombat master)"

"Shut up." Her characters life was drained almost all the way. He punched it one more Konohamarue and then she was K.O.-ed. "I have more quarters."

Two hours later

Sigh. "Why are we out on the streets again?" said Sasuke.

"Well first off I was fighting l33t and I wanted to-"

"Shut up." Sakura was the saddest, she's the one who had made them sit on the streets waiting for a drive home. L33t's car pulled up. "Hey can you drive us home?"

"L3t m3 t-1n 4bout 1t, o! (let me think about it, no!)" he laughed as the car pulled away, letting a big puddle fly into their faces.

"I hate that guy. . ."

Two days later

"No food, no way home, no nice people in New York," said Naruto as he sat on the brick wall.

"What a shock."

"Get a job ya bum!" shouted a guy.

"That's it!"

"What's it?" said Sasuke. Naruto had stopped again, completely.

"His face is turning blue!" shouted Sakura. They started shaking him.

"Oh sorry, anyways, we go to the arcade and then. . ." again, I know I'm an asshole.

"L33t!!" shouted Naruto.

"I'm sorry," said a voice beside him, he looked and saw Konohamaru. "You have to leave me at Iceland instead of taking me on a trip to New York City. So I wont help you."

"Sorry!" said Sakura. "You have any money?"

"Money, no. I spent it at the chocolate store. It's right over there!" he pointed to a building with a fat baby with chocolate around its lips. "Chocolate!" he took some melted chocolate and started eating it. It got all over his hands. "L33t!"

"W-4t joo w4nt lil m4? (what you want little man)" said l33t behind him.

"I chalNarutoge you to a game of Mortal Kombat, and if I win you have to give me enough money for some plane tickets to Iceland!"

"Deal." Everyone was shocked at his normal expression. "1 m34n d34l!! (I mean deal!)" he smiled. Konohamaru was given a chair to stand on and they started the game, his fingers getting all sticky on the controls. He lost the first Konohamarue.

"Cheat!"

"F1ne l3t m3 pl4y yours. (fine let me play yours)" they switched and Konohamaru's ingenious plan commenced. He licked his fingers before putting in another quarter.

"Go!" said Naruto. The game started up.

"Wtf!?" shouted l33t. "My controls ar3 fscked up!! (My controls are fucked up)"

"No, it's just you suck!"

"D4mn joo! (damn you)"

"No, d4mn joo!" Konohamaru beat him in the two out of three rounds and he got the money he wanted. He counted the bills, "Hahah cold hard cash!"

"Can we have some to get a coup-Konohamaru!" Konohamaru's taxi drove away. Naruto sat down on the curb again. "Damn kid."

A week later

"I managed to get a job in the arcade!" said Sakura.

"Wow, can we get some beer?" said Naruto.

"No!"

"I'm thirsty!"

"Well get some water! There's some water fountains over there, get some!"

"But that's good for you!!" Naruto smacked against the wall as Sakura walked off. "Whatcha doin' Sasuke?"

"Thinking."

"You do that too much."

"Well excuse me if I'm thinking of a way to get out of here. I mean this is the first Konohamarue I've been here. I mean we aren't citizens of the United States, so technically we can get deported!"

"Yeah, I'm going to get some beer, call me when you're done thinking."

"Sure, whatever, I'm going to look for a job."

Naruto looked around, he was in a computer store. "Do it!" shouted someone. He flipped around looking for the speaker.

"Do what!?"

"Do it. You know you want to."

"No!!"

"You don't even know what I'm talking about and you're rejecting it, people call that being shallow."

"I'm not shallow!"

"Yes you are, get used to it. By the way, do it!"

"Noo!" he ran around the store running into the stands, knocking down the stands.

"You asshole!" shouted the clerk. He ran to get a fire extinguisher to get the fire out.

"I wont do it!" said Naruto.

"C'mon."

"No!" he put his hand on another stand with labtops on it and it fell over, knocking into a bunch of monitors and towers.

"Are you done yet?"

"Yes. . ." he left the store. "I still wont do it!"

"Come on! Do it for me!"

"I don't even know you!"

"Yeah you do!"

"No I don't!"

"C'mon!!!!"

"Noooo!" he ran into the street and went on his knees, then started beating the road with his fist. Cars started to avoid him and wreck into each other, causing a pile up. "You suck."

"Hah! You did it anyways."

"Wait how do I know that that was it?"

"I know, how do you?"

"Stop messing with my head damn it!"

"So. . .4r3 joo Link or Zelda?(So. . .are you Link or Zelda?)" said l33t as Sakura sat at the counter with a costume on.

"I cant understand a word you're saying."

"Ahem! Are you Zelda or Link?"

"You can speak!!"

"Yeah when I want to."

"Now go away."

"But you did-"

"Zelda."

"Then why do you have a sword?"

"I don't know, now go away."

"So you doing anything tonight?"

"No."

"Want to go somewhere?"

"Ah-no."

"I have a place you can stay besides the park."

"Well . . .no."

"So do you have any openings?" said Sasuke.

"No. But we do have one in sales," said a kid, almost ten years old. He had a Pokemon shirt and hat on. He stood almost five feet and had red hair and blue shorts.

". . .Can I take it?"

"If you want."

"Well I'll take it, what's the pay?"

"About ten dollars an hour, all you have to do is make sure no one steals my cards, if they take Charizard then I will. . .die." his eye twitched.

"Ok. When do I start and when do I get payed?"

"I'll pay you tomorrow, you start immediately." He pressed a button and a card booth appeared all around them and he noticed he was in a suburban area.

"When did we get here?"

"We were traveling here, Pikachu did it." Sasuke gave him a questioning look and went outside the booth and circled it. A little kid almost five years old ran up to the booth and put his hand on a card.

"Die!" shouted Sasuke as he shot the kid.

"Thank you for saving Pikachu but you didn't have to do THAT." He picked up the bloodstained card.

"Do it."

"Shut up already."

"Nah uh."

"Who are you anyways?"

"I'm your guardian angle, the one who is responsible for everything bad in your life. Including Kiba."

"But he's dead."

"No he isn't, he faked it to get noticed. Now the army is attacking the base, and your empire is about to fall to Kiba's hands."

"That asshole!!" he threw his hands outwards, hitting a guy. "But I'm sure Konohamaru can handle it."

"Konohamaru? He's in Disneyland."

"Liar, he's probably triumphing right now!"

"Right."

"Wooh!" shouted Konohamaru. The ride reached the top and he stood up, disobeying the sign. "Oh yeah I'm a crminal! He faced the rest of the people as he stood up at the top preaching to them. Then the ride started up again and he hit the sign, causing him to fall into the seat in head of him.

"Get off of me you asshole."

"They're coming for you! You'll seee!"

"You know what?" said Naruto. "What?" "You're probably right."

"You know what's funny?" said l33t.

"No, why don't you grace me with your comedic sk1llz."

"Now your talking my language!"

"No I'm not."

"Damn."

"Sir! The perimeter is clear!" said Sasuke.

"Excellent! Bogey eleven o'clock high!" said the kid. Sasuke shot three shots into a kid, knocking the kid backward.

"Ow!!!" said the kid as he sat up, red stains over his shirt.

"See Sasuke paint guns work better than killing people, this way I don't get sued."

"I'm telling my mommy!"

"Fuck!" said Sasuke. "Run sir run!" An angry mom came running towards them, "Run sir! I'll handle it!" he shot four shots at the lady. She dodged them all and reached the Sasuke. "Die!" he shot one at her face, it exploded and her eye twitched. "Run!" he shot one in her stomach and ran off. Minutes later four hundred angry PTA members had followed them to the kids roof.

Where the booth was, was now a bon fire. They threw the Pokemon accessories into the flame. "Sasuke. . ."

"Sir!"

"You're fired."

"Would you leave already?" said Sakura.

"Why?"

"It's closing time and I need to clean up before tomorrow!!"

"Oh. Alright see yah tomorrow."

"Yeah, see yah." An hour later she left the store. They met in the park. "My boss paid me in advance, I have three hundred dollars, Naruto you?"

"I mugged an old lady, I got about ten dollars."

"I've got none." Said Sasuke.

"You couldn't get a job?"

"No I just got fired, damn brat."

"Well I think this is enough to hold a small apartment, why don't we look for one?"

"After booze!" said Naruto.

"No! When we all get good jobs and enough money we can buy beer, when did you become an alcoholic anyways?"

"When Sasuke was stupid enough to let me drink a beer."

"You've been like that," said the Sasuke. "You didn't need me to get you going, your dad was an alcoholic, your grandfather and great grandfather was so I bet you'd be too."

"I remember the first Konohamarue I tasted the sweet nectar. I was just a la- "

"Shut up we need to find an apartment!" said Sakura. "No time for time consuming flashbacks. Remember the last one?"

". . .And then I was like pow! Kazaow!" Small excerpt from a forty hour rant.

"Oh yeah. Lets find an apartment already!"

"Do it." Said the voice.

"Damn it shut up already!?"

"Who the hell are you talking to?"

"This voice in my head, she keeps telling me to do 'it'."

"Do it."

"You asshole stops it!!"

"But its so fun!"


End file.
